Murder and mayhem on a Sunday night

Madame has been making us listen to a radio version of The Duchess of Malfi - "coz it's like culture and that". Hum. I listened very hard and I have no idea what was going on.

Lots of people seemed to be mooching about the Italian countryside - between that Malfi and somewhere they keep calling Millen - which might be Milan. I'm not sure. There's lots of verily and prithee and naughtiness involving apricots or *nudge nudge wink wink* apricocks. Oh, my aching sides. humph. Madame says that one probably went down a storm with the crowd at Globe. I don't know how she can know that - she's old but she's not that old.

Back to the play. Some woman - probably this Duchess woman - gets called a strumpet. I think that sounds like a nice cuddly word - crumpets and trumpets are both good stuff but apparently strumpet is a Bad Thing. Perhaps she goes round spoiling crumpets with trumpets. That would be a Bad Thing. But not bad enough for what happens next.

Some blokes turn up to strangle the strumpet and various other people who happen to be hanging around. Then they all take turns to stab, poison and strangle each other and various other people who still haven't cottoned on to what is happening and are still hanging around. Points are awarded for the most gurgling death and someone makes a gloomy speech about life being like chasing bubbles. Quite.

By now I am a very confused and bewildered little bear - distressed by all this mayhem and murder. I need some jolly music to cheer me up. Aha! A little bit of Gillian Welch ...




um. oh. well.

It is quite cheery sounding. For an extremely gory murder ballad.

Right. I'm off to hide all of our sharp and pointy kitchen utensils. This culture stuff is too dangerous for impressionable minds like Madame's. She'll be sticking to Enid Blyton and Girl Aloud from now on.

Excuses, excuses, or, Citizen Bear and Woolly Revolution

Poor little blog. I have been neglecting you. I have been busy - I might have looked like I was just lying there, staring at the ceiling but I was actually taking part in an experiment to see if it really is possible to die of ennui.

Turns out to be harder than it looks.

Just too easily distracted. There is the clickety click of Madame's knitting needles. She says she's being inspired to have another go at the knitting thing by sites like anti-craft - but I suspect something even more sinister. hmmmmmmmm. The revolution will be warm and woolly. She's just learned how to do stripes so if anyone needs a stripy cover for their guillotine then she's your woman.

See. Easily distracted. I was going to write all about bear-type stuff and now I don't have time to tell you all about Happy Bear's secret path to happiness or recommend Polar Bears Against Palin. And no time for the story of how I fought off a plague of evil Makka Pakkas who wanted to take over the world.

Next time ...