Be alert. Be vigilant. If you go out on the wild and lawless high seas of the Interknit today, you may come across hideous scenes involving blood curdling torture (of the Queen's English) and reckless bandana wearing.
I, however, am preparing to hold firm and maintain a dignified and proper course of naval discipline. I will be celebrating the memory of Lieutenant Robert Maynard - best known for defeating the dastardly Blackbeard - by keelhauling one of the smaller toys.
If you would all like to stand to attention and salute the flag. Ladies and gentlemen, the National Anthem ...
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