Tig! You're it!

A couple of weeks ago we were feeling a bit stir crazy. Too many gloomy days. Not enough fresh air. Faffing about on the computer. Usually this leads to more madness. Crazed eBay bids. Myspace pages.

But this time we were lucky. We found Puddock's Two And A Half Acres - a wonderful blog to find when you are stuck in the middle of a city with no garden and the last bit of wildlife you spotted was a bin-raking squirrel or a couple of shifty looking pigeons.

Puddock also has the exsistential View From The Pond and has issued the following challenge from there -

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them). 4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

I can do random. No problem with random. All about random here.

But I'm feeling rather shy. It has been a long time since I played Tig. And Madame was always rubbish at playground games.

We would like to play. In our own pathetic way. And a couple of days late. So - 2 for the price of 1 - 8 random facts about Bear and Madame. And if anyone would like to pick up the baton ...

Bear

1. Favourite colour is blue.
2. Winner of "Best loved bear" at the 1977 Lomond Venture Scouts' Teddies' Tea Party.
3. Hates creme eggs.
4. Spent most of the 90s wanting to be Huey Morgan, lead singer of the "Fun Lovin' Criminals".
5. Loves snowy winter days.
6. Doesn't like using his first name.
7. Has a bell in one ear.
8. Worries and wonders.

Madame

1. Favourite "Half Man Half Biscuit" song is "Vatican Broadside".
2. Has never eaten in McDonalds.
3. Loves warm baths and freshly made beds.
4. Wishes she could speak German.
5. Started dyeing her hair when she was 18.
6. She likes spiders.
7. Her favourite actresses are Myrna Loy and Louise Brooks.
8. Please don't ask her to pick her favourite book. How could there be just one?

Ta da.

Must go. Will try and report back later in the week. Tales to tell of Madame's film festival adventure. Licorice pandas. Memories of John Peel. Or maybe other things. We're easily distracted.

last rays before sunset

She had a bad day. We curled up and read until the light began to fade. There's a time of day when it turns to dark honey. There are a few trees outside the window of our little flat. They are lush and green and we can pretend we are hiding in a secret tree house. The light flickers and we watch the shadows playing. She lit some candles and I danced to make her laugh.

I danced to the Pet Shop Boys. She laughed a lot.

neti, halp and ponyhof

Her new toy has arrived. I tried rubbing but no genie. Not even the tiniest purple plastic pixie. Bit disappointing. She claims that it's for pouring salt water up her snout. Honestly. It's called a neti pot and she read about it on MonkeyFilter. *snork*

Meanwhile, back in the real world ... well, the realish world ...

The Great She Elephant is trying to get us Bloggers to halp each other. Good idea. Because Beth Ditto won't always be there to help.

Bowleserised has added the Ponyhof to her, um, stable. For all your pony picture needs!

Off to watch the fun - a mad woman, a tiny teapot, and a pinch of salt ...

scenes from her life

Finally, the truth can be told ... er, you're not offended by scenes of hamster squidging, or dead kitties, and that frog doesn't look too healthy ...

Ok, it's not Her. It's episodes of "Lenore" but sometimes it is uncanny ...

Still thinking about "Bear's guide to Britain" or "Bear's guide to Europe". Maybe even "Bear's Big World Tour". I've picked up a fair bit of knowledge over the years. I once heard a whole 30 seconds of "The Moral Maze" and I like to listen in to old John Humpty on "The Today Programme" - it's nice that he got something to do after "Play School" ended.

postscript

Did get the day off on Friday. Failed to provide comfort and support when water started to drip through the ceiling. Refused to be interested in her "what will I wear today?" crisis. Watched Series 2 of "Extras". Very good. That Orlando Bloom ... snork.

She did have to spoil it a bit. Insisted we watch "The Children of Men". Thought it was going to be a charming, utopian tale of a world without screaming, sticky sprogs, but, apparently this is not a Good Thing. All misery and doom and Clive Owen in flip flops.

Rufus Thing ... blah, blah, blah ...

So the Wainwright album arrived on Thursday. The special "limited edition" with dvd. The excitement causes her to skip about like a drunk flump. She is wearing a posh frock.



The purification rituals are performed (bit of hoovering, bit of dusting). Bear is "made comfortable". Finally the blessed disc is listened to. Cake is eaten.

Everything is ok. The album is wonderful. A triumph. Bear agrees. Probably. It's a bit hard to tell, what with the gag and everything.




More cake is eaten. Bear is untied and the order is made - "entertain us, Fluff Boy". He dances.

bring on the dancing bunnies!

Dancing Animals in Love (warning: contains scenes of ... well, er, the habits of rabbits).



The Wainwright album is on it's way. Put out bunting and squeak like a field mouse.

And I'm getting the day off on Friday. Can't remember the last time I had a day off. Not sure what I'll do. I've always fancied having a go at water skiing. Or para-bearing. Would quite like to catch up with the last series of "Extras".

Day off? Humpf. I'll be spending it cowering and cringing in my corner while she eats ice cream, listens to Wainwright, and ogles shoes. And later, when she's manically full of sugar, I'll be made to dance for her amusement ...

a watched Amazon order is never sent

I'm trying to catch up with "Beaver and Steve". It's the funniest thing since ... well, it's just very funny. Steve's green and Beaver's a beaver and it's funny and it's by someone called James Turner.

Sorry, but she's putting me off. Every two minutes she's in at her Amazon order - giving it a prod and wailing. No signs of that Wainwright album being dispatched.

Now, I'm not that bothered, but I've still got nearly two years worth of "Beaver and Steve" to catch up on. IT'S VERY, VERY FUNNY. Sorry, did I mention that? And she is putting me off. So, if they could just pop it in the post, that would be nice.

cough. could have bought it in a shop. with money. like the old days. ah, the sound of a thumping tunes on a wax cylinder. cough.

top blokes and top tunes

Something for everyone on Radcliffe and Maconie last night. While she sighed and swooned - "Oh, Rufus, if only I was a beautiful Greek boy ..." - I thought about being Jack White. Icky Thump ?

hello, goodbye - or - never get out of the plane

It's been a tough time. Chaos, confusion and an unplanned indoor water feature. I am "new and improved". Hum. Slightly more boggly eyed than I'd like. And my nose is still a work-in-progress apparently. But at least all my bits are attached and I'm in a better condition than Her.

Big thanks to Nomi (bidie-in of Comehither Frog) for looking after Her the other day. And not laughing when my eyes fell out. We can save the big sack, a brick and a trip to the river for the next time. Bear salutes you.

So now I'm off to the Heart of Darkness - Riga.

Wish me luck.

Apocalypse Now Redux really was different, wasn't it ...

dozed and confused

in sick bed. dozing. prodded awake.

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a website. You know him. He was in "Brick". Remember? And "3rd Rock from the Sun" with John Lithgow. You like John Lithgow. Remember?"

back to sick bed. dazed.

overruled

She likes this. I think it's a bit barking. Patrick Wolf ...

the case for the defence

She's upset. Apparently I've given the impression that she is a musical chav - wandering the streets abusing any random member of the Fence Collective she trips over and saying nasty things about Vashti Bunyan and menacing anyone who looks like they might have bought "Ys".

She wants it made clear that she went to see Neko Case a few months ago and really enjoyed it and brought me back a nice "Neko Case" badge. She felt very sorry for Richard Swift at his ABC gig - it was a miserable, wet Monday night but still ... where was everyone? She is really looking forward to new stuff from Andrew Morgan - she loves "Misadventures in Radiology". She has the Sweep t-shirt. Rock and roll.

"And, anyway, who was it that hurt themselves dancing to the Sugababes?".

So that's me told. I'm off to hide in the wardrobe with my contraband copy of "The Milk-Eyed Mender".

wrong

She's been out to see a film. She looks at me. Menacing gleam in her eyes.

"Do you think that you'd look like Robert Downey Jnr. if we shaved off all your fur?"

This is the film.

No.

acting up

There are a lot of festivals on these days - film festivals, book festivals, Crufts. Is that a festival? Lots of dogs in a room. Hum. I used to get taken to the Edinburgh Festival. Well, actually, I used to get taken to Edinburgh during the Festival. I was usually made to stay and guard the flat while everyone else went out and had fun. I was occasionally allowed out for the odd scraggy puppet show.

But I have a dream. I want to take a performance to Edinburgh. Nothing fancy. Just a stage and a bear. The bear would be me. I'm not expecting one of the larger venues. Not to start with. Maybe one of those spiegeltent things.

Last year's show, well, it sank without trace. Literally. My one bear show based on "Das Boot". Turned out that the biscuit tin wasn't as watertight as I'd hoped. Course she was more bothered about the biscuits - I'd left them in as ballast.

This year's plan - "Medea". Keeping it simple. Might have got a couple of the smaller toys to play the corpses of my children. Otherwise - just me, the stage and a knife.

"Can I have a knife, please?"
"No."
"I'm going to be Medea. I need it to kill my children."
"No."
"I won't really do it. I'll be using stage fluff"
"No."
"Just a small vegetable knife?"
"No."
"What about about the pointy letter opener?"
"No."
"Butter knife? No, that would look stupid. Couldn't you make me one out of cardboard? Make it all shiny and sharp looking with tin foil?"
"I'm busy. Go away. I suppose you can use this. Don't break it."

"This" is a clear plastic butter spreading spatula from Ikea. Not completely clear. It's covered in cheery green and white polka dots. She is expecting me to convey the tragedy of Corinth with a spotty kitchen implement. A blunt spotty kitchen implement. From Ikea. Even Laurence Olivier had his limits.

Guess that "Coriolanus" is out of the question too. Might have to fall back on - shudder - "I am Curiously Orange : a tribute to Sooty". But my heart won't be in it.

me by her

Doing her bidding

Everything's been on hold this evening while the seconds ticked by on Ebay. Sweep. As an axe-wielding rock god. On a t-shirt. She won.

I've been passing the time by thinking about Window Box Squirrel. He's gone missing again. She doesn't care. She's getting ready to set up the netting and gun turrets again. Spring has sprung and plants are growing. Pah.

Would I like one of these? Would it be better in jelly babies?

Home fun

She's out at a gig or something. I have to make my own entertainment. The best fun a bear can have, without dancing girls, a bouncy castle or a trebuchet, is a tube of glow sticks and a dark room. Be your own rave. Suddenly it's 1988. Second summer of love. Bear is in the house, giving it paw. Acieed!


She's back early. Lights on and sopping wet cagoul right down on top of me. The evening ends with herbal tea and old time radio for her and damp ears for me.

For all the damp bears ...

Holiday in my head

Yay! She went out today. An end to the death bed scenes. And I spent the day doing nothing. Nothing at all. And I did it lying down. I could have spent some time pondering the Japanese Army's campaign of cuteness (as seen in Tokyo Mango). I could have thought big poetic thoughts. Could have thought more about the Oasis problem. Didn't. Did nothing. It was brilliant. I wonder if it's too late to become a sloth.

She's come back with 2 new alarm clocks. Yes, mornings are fun in this house. And more clothes. Tsk. She's brought me a copy of Lenore. Thought it was a bit babyish at first but then I got to the bit where the Easter Bunny got squished. Big fun. And Samurai Sloth. I could be Ninja Sloth. That's my plan for tomorrow. Indolence by stealth.

would she lie?

She went off to some book festival thing. And she comes back with a denim skirt, 2 t-shirts and a bright red cagoul. Apparently masonic raccoons forced her into Handbags & Gladrags and made her buy things. She lost the evil rodents by running into Iceland where armed penguins made her buy microwave pizzas and ice cream. The world is clearly a more dangerous place than I had realised.

I was planning to spend the afternoon trying to work out why Oasis are so popular. But Liam Gallagher frightens me. Spent a while cowering under a cushion. Had to be lured out with a copy of Transmetropolitan. Read it while she caught up with Y:The Last Man. No housework has been done.

One more from Planet Ham - Pug on a ball. I love this picture. I love Planet Ham. I think she saw it mentioned on Neil Gaiman's blog. So I'll forgive her. Raccoons are nocturnal.