Thursday, 31 May 2007

no surprises

She's cheered up a bit. Pay day and a long weekend to look forward to. And, if I'm a Good Bear, she'll get me a dvd to watch. But only if I'm a Good Bear. Which kind of scuppers my plans for the afternoon. Was thinking about going out to set fire to a couple of bus shelters - maybe mug some old folk - or start a small war. Apparently this is all Bad Bear behaviour. Who knew?

So it's back to Plan B: spend the afternoon pretending to be him out of Radiohead.

It's harder than it looks. Got my head stuck in the vase last time I tried. And soggy.

Wednesday, 30 May 2007

monkey hug

Humph. Having to work overtime. And not the fun stuff. Trauma sponging. Apparently the world is a "miserable place" and She is in a "pit of gloom and despair". Who knows why. Blah, blah, blah. Perhaps the world has run out of shoes to buy.

If I was you - oh, now there's an idea - fancy a swap? You'd get your own cushion. Actually it's Her cushion. Sort of tied accommodation. Comes with the job. It's an ok cushion. Better than a poke with a pointy stick. Sorry, where was I ... oh, yes. If I was you (nice house, big shiny car, exciting toaster, exotic foreign travel, fun friends) - rather than me (cushion, shoe box with wheels drawn on, no toaster, occasional trips to the other side of the room, Jomas) then I would stroll over to visit Mr. Buttons the giant sock monkey.

Sunday, 27 May 2007


Various birthdays about - none of them mine, and it's been raining - I'm indoors, so no news there. I had quite fancied being that Regina Spektor's bear but it turns out that she's a right messy pup. Tsk.

Friday, 25 May 2007

big city rat, Mr Herzog and fear

Some stuff for Friday - it is Friday, yes?

Better than a visit from Arthur Scargill and a bus load of flying pickets - it's the inflatable labour dispute rodent.

The A.V. Club have a short but interesting interview with Mr Werner Herzog.

And finally - spotted on Journalista - how to master fear and impress bears.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

scenes from her life

Finally, the truth can be told ... er, you're not offended by scenes of hamster squidging, or dead kitties, and that frog doesn't look too healthy ...

Ok, it's not Her. It's episodes of "Lenore" but sometimes it is uncanny ...

Still thinking about "Bear's guide to Britain" or "Bear's guide to Europe". Maybe even "Bear's Big World Tour". I've picked up a fair bit of knowledge over the years. I once heard a whole 30 seconds of "The Moral Maze" and I like to listen in to old John Humpty on "The Today Programme" - it's nice that he got something to do after "Play School" ended.

Monday, 21 May 2007

bunnies not even slightly in love and what I know about France

Busy time. Jomas, my squeaky little Latvian sidekick, is supposed to be doing a guide to Riga. He was supposed to do it weeks ago. So I'm thinking about doing "Bear's guide to Britain" instead.

Maybe "Europe" too. I like Europe. It's fun. What about France - it use to be run by pacifist monkeys with a cheese fetish and the new president is called Teacosie. How cool is that?

She says I'm wrong. She know nothing.

She's mithering about in the background. Trying to find ways to get to Texas. It's a long swim.

Only a couple of days after seeing "Dancing Animals in Love" I saw this on The Little White Bunny's myspace page. I like The Little White Bunny. They make loud, shouty music and they sent me a free virtual carrot. And they're Italian. That's in Europe. See, Europe = fun!

Anyway, this is almost the complete opposite of "Dancing Animals in Love" ...

Sunday, 20 May 2007

Saturday, 19 May 2007


Did get the day off on Friday. Failed to provide comfort and support when water started to drip through the ceiling. Refused to be interested in her "what will I wear today?" crisis. Watched Series 2 of "Extras". Very good. That Orlando Bloom ... snork.

She did have to spoil it a bit. Insisted we watch "The Children of Men". Thought it was going to be a charming, utopian tale of a world without screaming, sticky sprogs, but, apparently this is not a Good Thing. All misery and doom and Clive Owen in flip flops.

Rufus Thing ... blah, blah, blah ...

So the Wainwright album arrived on Thursday. The special "limited edition" with dvd. The excitement causes her to skip about like a drunk flump. She is wearing a posh frock.

The purification rituals are performed (bit of hoovering, bit of dusting). Bear is "made comfortable". Finally the blessed disc is listened to. Cake is eaten.

Everything is ok. The album is wonderful. A triumph. Bear agrees. Probably. It's a bit hard to tell, what with the gag and everything.

More cake is eaten. Bear is untied and the order is made - "entertain us, Fluff Boy". He dances.

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

bring on the dancing bunnies!

Dancing Animals in Love (warning: contains scenes of ... well, er, the habits of rabbits).

The Wainwright album is on it's way. Put out bunting and squeak like a field mouse.

And I'm getting the day off on Friday. Can't remember the last time I had a day off. Not sure what I'll do. I've always fancied having a go at water skiing. Or para-bearing. Would quite like to catch up with the last series of "Extras".

Day off? Humpf. I'll be spending it cowering and cringing in my corner while she eats ice cream, listens to Wainwright, and ogles shoes. And later, when she's manically full of sugar, I'll be made to dance for her amusement ...

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

an end to torment

I'm sure we've all been in situations where we've thought "What would Beth Ditto do?" - so, thank you, The Guardian - Bear salutes you.

An end to my torment. Madame's torment continues. She growls and weeps in front of Amazon. She wants the precious and she wants it now. They've broken her. She hates everything Tolkein and they've made her do Gollum.

Luckily she's off to her yoggi class tonight so I'll have peace to practice my surgical skills (yes, I do have a white coat and set of scrubs, thank you for asking) with Fred the Bunny (as seen on BoingBoing).

Before I go off to sharpen my scalpel and wash my paws - please may I recommend Mr James's blog "The Big Side Order". Always a work of excellence. His recent post - "Toys" - made my buttons go all misty.

Monday, 14 May 2007

a watched Amazon order is never sent

I'm trying to catch up with "Beaver and Steve". It's the funniest thing since ... well, it's just very funny. Steve's green and Beaver's a beaver and it's funny and it's by someone called James Turner.

Sorry, but she's putting me off. Every two minutes she's in at her Amazon order - giving it a prod and wailing. No signs of that Wainwright album being dispatched.

Now, I'm not that bothered, but I've still got nearly two years worth of "Beaver and Steve" to catch up on. IT'S VERY, VERY FUNNY. Sorry, did I mention that? And she is putting me off. So, if they could just pop it in the post, that would be nice.

cough. could have bought it in a shop. with money. like the old days. ah, the sound of a thumping tunes on a wax cylinder. cough.

Sunday, 13 May 2007


more squirrels

That is all.


Have this as well ...

not happy

Someone has stolen my weekend. I put it right there. Suddenly weekend gone. And now this ...

What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?

You will drink too much gin. Not the worst way to die, but you won't remember too much of your life. Hey, at least you made some people laugh!
Take this quiz!

Thursday, 10 May 2007

for Nomi

discovered via tastesthesame.

Off to celebrate the announcement that our glorious leader - Tiny Blur I believe he's called - is stepping down. Not sure what he's been standing on but it sound like a Good Thing that he's stopping. I'm not much of a political animal but at least his potential replacement Paddington Brown does have the good taste to come from Fife. Always a wise choice. And I do think that it will be comforting to have a bear in power. Even if he does like marmalade and duffle coats. A warm and sticky combination.

So, all this excitement and the promise of a special 48 page commemorative pull-out in the Guardian tomorrow. How will I sleep?

Wednesday, 9 May 2007

top blokes and top tunes

Something for everyone on Radcliffe and Maconie last night. While she sighed and swooned - "Oh, Rufus, if only I was a beautiful Greek boy ..." - I thought about being Jack White. Icky Thump ?

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

naughty bear runs wild

I'm probably supposed to going through some kind of ritual purification ceremony - possibly involving Wagner and rose petals - before tonight's Wainwright Fest.

But I'm not - I'm listening to Cold War Kids - "We Used To Vacation" -

and, naughty, naughty bear -

Beirut - "Elephant Gun" (that's a fine looking moustache) -

And I'll be wearing my feather headdress in honour of Isabella Blow.

Monday, 7 May 2007

young love and a bag of yoghurt

Jomas has got himself a girlfriend.

Madame has got herself a new bag for her yoghurt mat.

What did I get? Nothing. Not even the day off. Holiday Monday and I'm WORKING. Humph. Hang on ...

um, forgot ...

She very kindly spent some time on my Myspace page yesterday and it's now new and improved and bright and sunny. A main theme of Partick Thistle colours - red, yellow and black - with hints of marine blue. And she's added some captions to the pictures.

I am a bear of small brain and short memory. I expect I was distracted by all the Rufus that's going on around me. He's on tomorrow night - the Radcliffe and Maconie show - the always excellent Mr. Radcliffe and Mr. Maconie. The chances of her doing anything else - say, answering the phone or noticing if the house burns down - between 8pm and 10pm tomorrow night will be extremely limited. Radio on and bear on best behaviour. If I want to live to see Wednesday.

And Jomas's new girlfriend is called Lily-Button. Allegedly. Looks like a Gladys to me.

Saturday, 5 May 2007

going to some town with that Rufus bloke

In other news:

This year's West End Festival programme is out. Bit dull.

Some election stuff happened but I didn't get a vote so I don't care. Humph.

It has been very sunny. Some people got to have a day off. Some people got to have picnics in the park. I didn't. Humph.

However a certain person did have a couple of pints of real ale last night and attempted to exit the pub via a door that wasn't there. That wasn't me. Snork. None of this beer unfortunately, but, if you want to repeat the experiment then I'm told you should try Paradise Ale and something that she thinks might have been called Alchemist's Gold. Tsk.

Someone. Not me - sensing a theme yet? Someone in this house has bought themselves a pair of shiny red Mary Janes on Ebay. I am informed that Mary Janes are a type of shoe. Poor lamb is down to her last 20 or so pairs of shoes so she had to have the Ebay shoes. Or the world would end. Or something.

And a whole year before we get Kung Fu Panda.

Wednesday, 2 May 2007

Ted and Ginger

I had big plans for today. Got my combats and black hoodie on. Gloomy mood. Going to skulk in the corner, stare at the ceiling and try to contact my inner emo animal.

But then she goes and discovers Pink Martini. That's a band - not a drink - although you'd wonder if you saw her trying to tango last night.

So. Now what. It's difficult to think dark, mournful thoughts about misery and stuff - you know - death, despair, disapproving rabbits - when she might appear at any moment and expect me to make like Fred Astaire.

She knows I'd rather be Carmen Miranda.